Today I was supposed to meet my hubby at the top of a pass in der Berner Oberland, have a coffee, ride the bus down to another town, and then have lunch with him. Guess what? It is not happening as planned. So often when my very detailed plans do not pan out, I lose my shit and cannot get back to center… and that is happening to me right now as I sit in a little Dorf and figure out the next bus I can take to at least get to my final destination. I am glad I am alone for this process, but I am upset that I have to go through this. I have been going through some crappy weeks with pain in my knee which has kept me from exercising… no hiking, no jogging, no biking… and the weight gain that comes with stopping an exercise routine brings ( at least for me) dreadful depression that it hard to navigate through. It feels like I am stuck in a nightmare state and cannot wake up. I am angry, sad, depressed, and physically ill. How do I transfer from these negative thoughts and emotions to something more positive without the money to fly somewhere that will make me forget everything? And why is it that we need to spend money to make things better? I need to get through this without breaking the bank.

So… once these kids get out of the restroom in the tiny train station in Schwarzenburg, I am gonna go pee and get on another bus to see if I can get to my final meeting place to have lunch with Todd. And next week I am gonna start again. And if I get off track, I will restart until I finally get things right.